Eh, nothin' now 'till the noon rush from the market.
If I ain't a sap to let Chuck kid me into workin' his time
so he can take the morning off.
But I got sick of arguing.
I says: "All right, get married! What's it to me?"
(Joe sighing)
Some party last night, eh?
It was jinxed from the start,
but his tellin' about his wife croakin' put de K.O. on it.
It was the birthday feast that turned out to be a wake.
Him promisin' he'd cut out that bughouse bull about peace.
And then he went on talkin' and talkin' like he couldn't stop.
And the gang, sneakin' upstairs, leavin' free booze
and eats like they was poison.
He's been hoppin' from room to room, all night.
He's got his Reform Wave goin' strong this mornin'.
Did you notice him drag Jimmy out the first thing
to get his laundry and his clothes pressed
so he wouldn't have no excuse?
And he give Willie the dough
to buy his stuff back from Solly's.
And all the rest have been brushin'
and shavin' themselves with the shakes.
He didn't come to my room.
Afraid I might ask him a few questions.
Yeah? I'd say you was scared of him.
You'd lie then. Don't let him kid you, Rocky.
He had his door locked, I couldn't get in, either.
Yeah, who do you think you're kiddin', Larry?
Like he says, if you was so anxious to croak,
why wouldn't you hop off your fire escape long ago?
Because it'd be a coward's quitting, that's why.
He's all quitter, Rocky.
He's a yellow old faker.
You lying punk! Yeah, keep out of this, you!
Shall I give him the bum's rush, Larry?
You don't want him around, nobody else don't.
No, let him stay, I don't mind.
He's nothing to me.
You're right.
I have nowhere I can go now, you're the only one
in the world I can turn to.
Eh, you're a soft old sap, Larry.
He's a no-good louse like Hickey.
He don't belong!
I'm all in, not a wink of sleep.
Larry, I'm sorry for ridin' you.
But you get my goat when you act as if
you didn't care a damn what happened to me.
And you keep your door locked so I can't talk to you.
But that was to keep Hickey out, wasn't it?
I don't blame you, I'm getting more and more to hate him.
More and more scared of him.
Especially since he told us about his wife being dead.
It's that queer feeling he gives me
that I'm mixed up with him in some way.
I don't know why, but it started me thinking about mother.
As if she was dead.
I suppose she might as well be.
It must kill her when she thinks of me.
I know she doesn't want to, but... she can't help it.
After all, I'm her only kid.
She used to spoil me, and made a pet of me.
Once in a great while...
when she remembered me.
As if she was trying to make up for something.
As if she was... feeling guilty.
So I guess she must have loved me a little,
even if she never let it interfere with her freedom.
You know, Larry...
I once had a sneaking suspicion that,
if the truth were known, you were my father.
You damned fool!
Who put that insane idea in your head?
Anyone in the coast crowd could tell I never laid eyes
on your mother 'till after you were born.
Well, I'd hardly ask them, would I?
I know you're right, though, because I asked her.
She brought me up to be frank and ask her anything.
I was talking about how she must feel now about me.
My getting through with the Movement.
Oh, she'll never forgive me for that.
That must be the final knockout, if she knows that I was the one
who sold out... Shut up, damn you! Shut up.
It'll kill her! But Larry...
I never thought that they would have caught her!
You've got to believe what the only reason was.
Now I'll admit, what I told you last night... that was a lie.
All that bunk about feeling patriotic
and my duty to my country.
But here's the true reason, the only reason, Larry.
See, I got stuck on this whore... and I wanted dough!
That's the only reason, that's all I did it for!
Just the money, honest!
God damn you, shut up!
What the hell is it to me?
What's comin' off here? Nothing.
This young punk is talking my ear off.
He's a worse pest than Hickey.
(yawning) Oh, yeah, Hickey.
Say, listen, what do you mean about him being scared
you'd ask him questions? What questions?
What questions? Well, you noticed he didn't tell us what his wife died of.
Oh, lay off of that, the poor guy!
What are you gettin' at, anyway?
You don't think it's just a gag of his? No, no I don't.
I'm damned sure he brought death here with him,
I can smell the cold touch of it upon him. Oh, bunk.
You got croakin' on the brain, Old Cemetery.
Say, do you mean you think she committed suicide
on account of his cheatin' or something?
It wouldn't surprise me. But that's crazy.
Jees, if she'd done that, he wouldn't tell us
he was glad about it, would he?
You know her better than that, Larry.
You know she'd never commit suicide.
She's like you, she'll hang on to life
even when there's nothing... And what about you?
Be God, if you had any guts or decency!
I'd take that hop off the fire escape
you're too yellow to take, I suppose, ah? No!
I'm done with... Yeah, I suppose you'd like that!
What the hell's all this about?
What do you know about Hickey's wife?
How do you know she didn't...? He doesn't!
Hickey's addled the little brains he's got.
Shove him back to his table, Rocky.
I'm sick of him.
You heard Larry! So move, quick.
Gee, Larry... that's a hell of a way to treat me
after I've trusted you, and I need your help.
Jees... if she committed suicide,
you gotta feel sorry for Hickey, huh?
You can understand how he'd go bughouse, and not be
responsible for all the crazy stunts he's stagin' here.
But how can you be sorry for him when he says
he's glad she croaked? Oh, nuts!
I don't get nowhere tryin' to figure his game.
But I know this: He better lay off of me and my stable.
Jees, Larry! What a night them two pigs give me.
When the party went dead, they pinched a couple of bottles
and brung them up their room.
I don't get a wink of sleep, see?
Just as I'd drop off on that chair there,
they come down lookin' for trouble.
Or else they'd raise hell upstairs, laughin' and singin',
so that I'd get scared they'd get the joint pinched
and go up to tell them to can the noise.
And every time they'd crawl my frame with de same old argument.
They'd say:
(imitating Maggie) "So you agree with Hickey, do you?
"You dirty little Ginny! So we're whores, are we?
"Well, we agree with Hickey about you, see?
"You're nothin' but a lousy pimp!" Then I'd slap them.
But it don't do no good! They keep at it over and over.
Jees, I get the earache just thinkin' of it.
"Listen," they'd say, "if we're whores, we got a right to have
"a regular pimp and not stand for no punk imitation!"
"We're sick of wearin' out our dogs poundin'"
"the sidewalks for a double-crossin' bartender,"
"when all the thanks we get is he looks down on us."
"Don't expect us to work tonight, 'cause we won't, see?"
"Not if the streets were blocked with sailors!"
"We're goin' on strike!"
Whores goin' on strike! Can you tie that?
They'd say: "We're takin' a holiday.
"We're goin' to beat it to Coney Island and shoot
"the chutes, and maybe we'll come back and maybe we won't.
"And you can go to hell!" So they put on their lids
and beat it, the both of them stinko!
Hey, Rocky, Cora wants a sherry flip, for her nerves.
"Sherry flip?"
Christ, she don't need nothin' for her nerve.
What's she think this is, the Waldorf? Yeah, I told her.
"What would we use for sherry?"
And there wasn't no egg unless she laid one.
(imitating Cora) She says, "Is there a law you can't go out"
"and buy the makings, you big tramp?"
Ah, the hell with her! She'll drink booze or nothin'. Oh, jees!
A guy oughta give his bride anything she wants
on her weddin' day, I should think.
Pipe the bridegroom, Larry! All dolled up for the killin'. Aw, shut up.
One week on that farm in Jersey, that's what I'll give you.
And you'll come runnin' in here some night yellin'
for a shot of booze because the crickets is after you.
Oh, jees, Chuck, that louse Hickey's certainly
made a prize couple of suckers outta you.
I'd like to give him one sock in the puss, just one.
Oh, can that! What's he got to do with it?
And ain't we always said we was gonna?
So we're gonna, see? And don't give me no arguments!
If only Cora cut out the beefin',
and she don't gimme a minute's rest all night.
It's the same old stuff, over and over.
(imitating Cora's voice) Do I really want to marry her?
I says: "Sure, Baby, why not?" "Yeah," she says,
"but after a week you'll be thinkin' what a sap you was."
"You'll make that an excuse to go off on a periodical,"
"and then I'll be tied for life to a no-good soak!"
"And the first thing I know you'll have me out"
"hustlin' again, your own wife!"
Then she'd bust out cryin', and I'd get sore.
"You're a liar!" I tells her, "I ain't never taken your dough
"except when I was drunk and not workin'."
"Yeah," she says, "and how long will you stay sober now?
"Don't think you can kid me with that water-wagon bull.
"I've heard it too often!" That'd make me sore,
and I'd say: "Don't call me a liar",
"but I wish I was drunk right now, because if I was,
"you wouldn't be keepin' me awake all night beefin'.
You opened your yap, I'd knock de stuffins outta you!"
Then she'd yell: "That's a sweet way"
"to talk to the girl you're goin' to marry!"
Jees, she got me hangin' in the ropes!
I'd like to get a quart of that redeye under my belt!
Well, why the hell don't you?
Sure, you'd like that, wouldn'tyou? I'm wise to you.
You don't wanna see me get married
and settle down, like a regular guy.
You'd like me to stay paralyzed all the time,
so I'd be like you, a lousy pimp!
Listen! I don't take that even from you, see?
Yeah? You wanna make somethin' of it?
Don't make me laugh! I can lick ten of you with one mitt!
Not with lead in your belly, you won't!
Hey you, Rocky and Chuck, cut it out!
Don't let that Hickey make you crazy.
Keep out of our business, you black bastard.
Stay where you belong, you dirty nigger!
You white sons of bitches! I'll rip your guts out!
(glass shattering)
That's it! Murder each other, you damned loons!
With Hickey's blessing!
Didn't I tell you he brought death with him?
All right, you... let go of that shiv,
and I'll put this gun away.
(Hugo giggling maniacally)
Hello, little people! Never mind.
Soon you will eat hot dogs beneath the willow trees,
and drink free wine!
The champagne was not properly iced.
Goddamned liar, Hickey!
Does that prove I want to be aristocrat?
I love only the proletariat!
I will lead them! I will be like a God to them!
They will be my slaves!
I'm very drunk, no, Larry?
I talk foolishness.
I am so drunk, Larry, old friend, am I not?
I don't know what I say.
I've never seen you so paralyzed.
Now lay your head on the table and sleep it off.
Yeah, I should sleep... I'm too crazy drunk.
You right, Larry.
Bad luck come in the door the day Hickey come.
I'm an old gamblin' man,
and I knows bad luck when I feels it.
But it's white man's bad luck.
He can't jinx me.
The bread's cut, and I finished my job.
Now, do I get the drink I earned?
Here's the key to my room.
I ain't comin' back!
I'm goin' to my own folks where I belong.
I'm sick and tired of messin' around with white men.
(glass shattering) What the hell?
I'm only savin' you the trouble, white boy!
Now you don't have to break it as soon's my back's turned,
so there's no white man can kick about
drinkin' from the same glass!
I'm tired of loafin' around with a lot of bums.
I'm a gamblin' man.
I'm gonna get in a big crap game and win me a big bankroll.
And then I'll get the okay to open up
my old gamblin' house for colored men.
And then maybe I comes back here
sometimes to see the bums.
And maybe I throws a $20 bill down on the bar and says:
"Drink it up," and listen when
they all pat me on the back and say:
"Joe, you sure is white," but I'll say:
"No, I'm black and my dough is black man's dough!"
"And you's proud to drink with me or you don't get no drink!"
Or maybe I'd just says: "You can all go to hell!"
"I don't lower myself drinkin' with no white trash."
And that ain't no pipe dream.
I'll get the money for my stake today, somewhere, somehow.
If I have to borrow a gun and stick up
some white man, I gets it!
You wait and see.
Can you beat the nerve of that "dinge."
Jees, if I wasn't dressed up I'd go out
and mop up the street with him. Oh, let him go.
The poor old dope, him and his gamblin' house.
He'll be back tonight askin' Harry for his room
and bummin' me for a ball.
Then I'll be the one to smash the glass.
I'll loin him his place.
Another guy all dolled up.
Got your clothes from Solly's, huh, Willie?
Now you can sell it back to him again tomorrow. (indistinct)
No, I-I'm through with that stuff.
You look sick, Willie; here, take a ball, will pick you up.
Eh, no thanks, the only way to stop is to stop.
I'd have no chance if I went to the D.A.'s office
smelling of booze. You're really goin' there?
I said I was, didn't I?
I just came back here to rest for a few minutes.
I'll show that cheap drummer!
I don't need to have to have any Dutch courage.
But he's, he's been very kind and generous staking me.
You know, my, my legs are a bit shaky.
I better sit down a while.
Here's another one.
Hey, good morning, gentlemen all.
And a jolly good morning it is, too.
An eye-opener? I think not,
Rocky, old chum... not required, you know?
Feel extremely fit, as a matter of fact.
Can't say that I slept much, though,
thanks to that interfering ass, Hickey,
and that stupid bounder of a Boer.
I've had about all I can take from that fellow.
Oh, well, it's my own fault, I suppose, for allowing
a brute of a Dutch farmer to become familiar.
Well, it's come to a parting of the ways.
And jolly good riddance.
Oh, that reminds me... here's my key.
I shan't be coming back.
Sorry to be leaving good old Harry and the rest of you,
of course, but I simply cannot continue to live
under the same roof with that fellow.
So Hickey's kidded the pants off of you, too?
You think you're leavin' here, huh?
Ja! That's what he kids himself.
Yes, I'm leaving, Rocky.
Not that that ass, Hickey, has anything to do with it.
But been thinking this over, you know?
Time I turned over a new leaf.
He's gonna get a job, that's what he says.
What at, for Christ's sake?
Oh, anything... not manual labor, of course.
Anything that calls for a bit of brains and education.
I'll see a pal of mine at the Consulate.
He promised me whenever I felt an energetic fit
he'd get me a post with the Cunard.
Clark, in the office, something of that kind.
Ja! At Limey Consulate they promise anything
to get rid of him when he comes there drunk.
They're scared to call the police and have him pinched,
because it would scandal in the papers make
about a Limey officer and gentleman.
I only need the post temporarily, Rocky.
Means to an end, you know.
Save enough for a passage...
a first-class passage home, that's the bright idea.
(Wetjoen laughing)
He's sailing back to home, sweet home!
That's biggest pipe dream of all!
What little brain the poor Limey has left
that isn't in whiskey pickled, Hickey has made crazy!
Hickey ain't made no sucker out of you, eh?
You're too foxy, huh?
But I bet you think you're goin' out and land a job, too.
I am, ja! For me, it is easy.
Because I put on no airs of gentleman.
I'm not ashamed to work with my hands.
I was a farmer before the war,
when bloody Limey thieves steal my country.
Anyone I ask for job can see with one look
I have the great strength to do work of ten ordinary mens.
Yes, you remember, Chuck, he gave us a demonstration
of his extraordinary muscles last night
when he helped to move the piano.
You couldn't even hold up your corner.
It was your fault the damned box almost fell over.
My hands was sweaty! Could I help that my hands slip?
I could do whole weight of it lift!
In old days in Transvaal, I lift loaded oxcart by the axle.
So, why shouldn't I get job?
That longshoreman boss, Dan, he tell me
any time I like, he'd take me on.
And Benny, from de Market, he promise me same!
You remember, Rocky, it was one of those rare occasions
when the Boer that walks like a man,
spelled with a double "O", by the way,
was buying drinks when Dan and Benny were stony.
They'd have promised him the bloody moon!
(Lewis laughing) Yeah, yuh big boob.
Them birds was only kiddin' you.
(pounding bar) That's lie! You will see, this morning I get job.
I'll show that... bloody Limey gentleman,
and that liar, Hickey!
And I need work only little while
to save money for my passage home.
I need not much money because I am not ashamed
to travel steerage.
I don't put on first-cabin airs!
And I can go home to my country!
When I get there, they will let me in! Heh!
There was a rumor in South Africa
that a certain Boer officer, if you can call
the leaders of a rabble of Dutch farmers officers, he kept
advising Cronje to retreat, and to not stand and fight.
And I was right! I was right!
He got surrounded at Poardeberg!
(giggling) He had to surrender.
Good strategy, no doubt, but a suspicion
grew afterwards into a conviction among the Boers
that the officer's caution was prompted by a desire
for his personal escape.
His countrymen were extremely savage about it,
and his family disowned him.
So I imagine there won't be any welcoming committee waiting
on the dock... nor any delighted relatives
making the "veldt" ring with their happy cries
of "Welcome home, Gen. Wet..."
All lies! You Goddamned Limey!
I also have heard rumors of a Limey officer who
after the war lost all his money
gambling when he was drunk.
But they found out it was regiment money, too, he lost!
Ah, you bloody Dutch scum!
Cut it out! Let him come!
I saw them come before! Modder River, Magersfontein,
Spion Kopje, waving their silly swords, so afraid they couldn't
show how brave they was!
And I kill them with my rifle so easy!
Listen to me, you Cecil!
Often when I'm drunk and kidding you I say I'm sorry
I missed you, but now, by God, I am sober!
And I don't joke, and I say it! (slamming table) Be God!
You can't say Hickey hasn't got the miraculous touch to raise
the dead, when he can start the Boer War raging again!
Well... it's time I was on my merry way.
The early bird catches the job, what?
Good-bye and good luck, Rocky, and the rest of you.
By God, if that Limey can go... I can go.
Well, why don't you beat it?
Eh? Oh... just been thinking.
Hardly the decent thing to push off without
saying good-bye to old Harry.
One of the best, old Harry, and good old Jimmy.
They ought to be down very soon.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I seem to be blocking your way out.
No... I will wait to say good-bye to Harry, too.
Jees, can you beat them simps!
Oh, hell, I forgot Cora! She'll be throwin' a fit!
That's right, wait on her and spoil her, you poor sap!
Psst! Look here, Parritt.
I'd like to have a talk with you.
About what? About the trouble you're in.
Oh, I know, I know, you don't admit it.
And you're quite right, that's my advice.
Deny everything, Say, what the hell are you accusing me of?
Make no statements whatever without consulting
your attorney, keep your mouth shut.
Look, you can trust me, I'm a lawyer.
And it's occurred to me that you and I ought to co-operate.
Of course I'm... going to see the D.A. this morning
about a job on his staff, but... that may take time.
There may not be... an immediate opening.
And meanwhile it, it would be a good idea for me to take
a case or two, on my own, just to prove that
my... brilliant record in law school was no flash in the pan.
So, why not... retain me as your attorney?
You're crazy, what do I want with a lawyer?
Yeah, that's right, don't admit anything.
But you can trust me, so let's not beat about the bush.
You got in trouble out on the coast, eh?
Now you're in hiding, any fool can spot that.
You... feel safe here, and maybe you are for a while.
But remember, they get you in the end.
(Parritt laughing) I know, from my father's experience.
Nobody could have felt safer than he did.
When anybody mentioned the law to him, he nearly died laughing.
But... You crazy mutt!
(shouting) You hear that, Larry?
This damned fool here thinks the cops are after me!
I wish to God they were.
And so should you, if you had the honor of a louse!
Oh, and you're the guy who kids himself he's through
with the Movement; you're still in love with it!
You mean you're not in trouble, Parritt?
I was hoping... Eh, never mind.
No, no offense meant... Parritt.
That's all right, Willie... I'm not sore at you.
It's that damned yellow faker that gets in my goat.
I think I understand, Larry.
It's really mother that you still love... isn't it?
In spite of that dirty deal she gave you.
But what the hell did you expect?
She was never true to anyone but herself and the Movement.
But Larry, I can, I can understand
how you still can't help feeling.
See, because I still love her too.
So you see, I couldn't have
expected that they'd catch her, Larry.
You gotta believe me that I only sold them out just to get
a few lousy dollars to blow in on a whore.
Now there's no other reason, honest!
For the love of Christ, will you leave me in peace!
If you don't keep still, you'll be saying something soon
that will make you vomit your own soul like a drink
of nickel rotgut that won't stay down!
Larry, don't go! You've got to help me!
Set 'em up, Rocky! I swore I'd have no more drinks
on Hickey, if I died of drought, but I've changed my mind!
Be God, he owed it to me!
I'd be blind to the world now,
if it was the Iceman of Death himself treating.
What made me say that, I wonder.
Oh, my God, it fits, for Death was
the iceman that Hickey called to his home.
Oh, forget the iceman gag!
The poor dame is dead!
Go on and get paralyzed.
I'll be glad to see one bum in this dump act natural.
Come and sit here, Mac.
You're just the man I wanna see.
If I'm to take your case, we ought
to have a talk before we leave. There'll be no talk.
You damned fool, do you think I'd have
your father's son for my lawyer?
They'd take one look at you
and bounce us both out on our necks.
Hmm! I don't need a lawyer, anyway.
Hell with the law!
All I've got to do is see the right ones,
get them to pass the word.
They will, too, they know I was framed.
And once the word is passed,
it's as good as done, law or no law!
Here's my key, Rocky.
I'd rather sleep in the gutter than spend
another night under the same roof as that drummer.
Son of a drummer! Well, you birds give me a pain.
It'd serve you right if I wouldn't give
the keys back to you tonight.
Hello, everybody! Here we go!
Hi-Hi-Hickey just told us ain't it time we beat it,
if we was really goin'.
So we're showin' the bastard, ain't we, honey?
He's comin' right down with Harry and Jimmy.
Jees... them two look like they was goin' to the electric chair!
Well, let's get goin', honey.
Before he comes down.
Sure, anything you say, baby. Yeah?
Well, I say we stop at the first regular dump
and, and you gotta blow me to a sherry flip,
or four or five, if I want 'em!
Or all bets is off! But you got a fine bun on now!
Oh, cheap skate.
Well, here, use my money then, if you're so stingy.
You'll grab it all, anyways, right after de ceremony.
I know you.
Here, you big tramp.
Keep your lousy dough!
And don't show your legs off to these bums when you're goin'
to be married if you don't want a sock in the puss!
Oh, all right, honey!
Say, why don't all you barflies come to the weddin'?
Well, we're goin', guys.
Say, Rocky, are you goin' "deef"?
I said me and Chuck was goin' now!
Well, good-bye, give my love to Jersey.
Well, ain't you even goin' to wish us
happiness, you dirty little Ginny?
Sure... here's hopin' you
don't murder each other before next week.
Oh, baby, what do we care for that pimp?
Here's Hickey comin'! Let's get outta here!
(voices of Hickey and Harry approaching)
Well, here we are, we got this far at least.
Good work, Jimmy.
I told you you weren't half as sick as you're pretending to be.
No excuse whatever for postponing now.
Kindly keep your hands to yourself.
I merely mentioned I would feel more fit tomorrow.
But... it might as well be today, I suppose.
Finish it now so it'll be dead forever, and you'll be free.
Well, cheer up, Harry.
You noticed your rheumatism didn't bother you
coming down the stairs, didn't you?
You're the damnedest one for alibis, Governor.
I can't hear you... You're a liar!
I've had rheumatism on and off for 20 years.
Ever since Bessie died. Yes, we all know
it's the kind of rheumatism you turn on and off.
We're on to you, you old faker!
Bejees, what are all you bums hanging round staring at me for?
Why don't you get the hell out of here
and 'tend to your own business, like Hickey's told you?
Yes, Harry, I certainly thought they would have
had the guts to have been gone by this time.
Or maybe I did have my doubts.
Because I know exactly what you're up against, boys.
I know you'll turn into such a coward that you'll grab
at any lousy excuse not to kill your pipe dreams.
And yet, as I've said over and over again,
it's exactly those damned lying tomorrow dreams
that keep you from making peace with yourself.
So you've got to kill them, like I did mine.
Well, come on, boys, get moving!
Who's going to start the ball rolling?
Well you, captain, and you, general.
You're nearest to the door.
And besides, you're old war heroes.
You ought to lead this forlorn hope.
Well, come on, now! And show us a little
of that old Battle of The Modder River
spirit we've heard so much about.
You can't hang around here all day looking
like you were scared the street outside would bite you.
Right you are, Mr. Nosey Bloody Parker!
Time I pushed off.
Was only waiting to say good-bye to you, Harry, old chum.
Good-bye, captain, hope you have luck.
Oh, I'm bound to, old chap, and the same to you.
By God, if that Limey can, I can.
(Wetjoen grunting)
Well, next?
Come on, Mac.
It's a fine summer's day.
That's the stuff, Mac.
Good-bye, Harry, thanks for all your kindness.
That's the way, Willie.
Oh, the D.A.'s a busy man, Willie.
You can't keep him waiting all day, you know.
Good luck, Willie.
Now it's your turn, Jimmy, old pal.
Jimmy.
You can't do that to yourself, Jimmy, old pal!
One drink on top of your hangover
on an empty stomach, you'll be oreyeyed.
Tomorrow... I'll be in good shape tomorrow!
All right, I'm going.
Take your hands off me!
Dirty swine!
(laughing) All set for an alcohol rub!
I... no hard feelings, I know how he feels.
I wrote the book! I've seen the day if...
anybody forced me to face the truth
about my pipe dreams, I'd have shot them dead!
Well, Governor... Jimmy made the grade.
Now it's your turn.
Leave Harry alone, damn you!
I'd make up my mind about myself if I
were you, Larry, and not bother over Harry.
He doesn't need anyone's bum pity, do you, Governor?
No, bejees! Keep your nose out of this, Larry.
I've always been going to take this walk, ain't I?
You bums want to keep me locked up in here as if I was in jail!
I've stood it long enough.
I'll do as I damned please, bejees.
You keep your nose out too, Hickey.
Bejees, you'd think you was the boss of this dump, not me.
What the hell's to be scared of?
Sure I'm all right! Just taking a stroll around my own ward.
What's the weather like outside, Rocky? Fine day, boss.
Sorry I can't hear you.
Don't look fine to me.
Looks if it'd pour down cats and dogs any minute.
My rheumati... No, no, must be my eyes.
Half blind, bejees.
Makes things look black; I see now it's a fine day.
Too damned hot for a walk, though, if you ask me, eh?
Well, do me good to sweat the booze out of me.
But I'll have to watch out for the damned automobiles.
Wasn't none of them around the last time.
From what I've seen through the window,
they'd run over you as soon as look at you.
Well, so long.
Bejees, where are you, Hickey? It's time we got started.
No, no, Harry, can't be done.
You got to keep a date with yourself alone.
Hell of a guy you are.
I thought you'd be willing to help me across the street,
seeing I'm half blind! Half "deef," too.
I can't hear those damned automobiles!
Oh, the hell with you!
I've never, never needed no one's help and I don't now.
I'll take a good long walk now I've started.
See all my old friends.
Bejees, they must have given me up for dead.
But they know it was grief over Bessie's death that made me...
Well, the sooner I get started...
You know, Hickey, that's what gets me.
I can't help thinking the last time I went out,
was to Bessie's funeral.
After she'd gone, I didn't feel life was worth living.
I can't feel it's right for me to go, even now, Hickey.
It's like I was doing wrong to her memory.
Now, Governor, you can't let yourself
get away with that one any more.
What's that? I can't hear you.
Bejees, I remember... clear as day, the last time before she...
(weeping) It was a fine Sunday morning.
We went out to church together.
It's a great act, Governor,
but I know better and so do you.
You never did want to go to church
or any place else with her.
She was always on your neck, wanting you to have ambition
and go out and do things, when all you wanted to do
was to get drunk in peace.
Can't hear a word you're saying.
He's a God damned liar, anyway!
Bejees, you son of a bitch! If there was a mad dog out there
I'd go and shake hands with it rather than stay here with you!
(whispering to himself)
Jees, he made it!
I'd give you 50 to 1 he'd never...
Oh, he stopped.
I'll bet you he's comin' back. Of course he's coming back.
By tonight they'll all be here again,
you dumbbell, that's the whole point.
No, he ain't neither! He's gone to the curb.
He's lookin' up and down, scared stiff of automobiles.
They ain't more than two an hour
comes down this street, the old boob!
(door opening)
Bejees, give me a drink, quick!
Scared me out of a year's growth!
Bejees, that guy ought to be pinched!
Bejees, it ain't safe to walk in the streets!
Give me that bottle.
You seen it, didn't you, Rocky? Seen what?
That automobile, you dumb Wop!
Fella driving it must be drunk or crazy.
He'd run right over me if I hadn't jumped!
Larry, have a drink.
Come on, everybody, have a drink.
Have a cigar, Rocky, I know you hardly touch it.
This is one time I do touch it!
And I'm goin' to get stinko, see?
Well, jees, Harry! I thought you had some guts!
I was bettin' you'd make it and show that four-flusher up.
Automobile, hell! Who do you think you're kiddin'?
There was no automobile! You just quit cold!
I guess I ought to know! Bejees, it almost killed me!
Now, now, Governor, don't be foolish.
You've faced the test and you've come through,
and you're rid of that nagging dream stuff now.
You know you can't believe it any more.
You saw it, didn't you, Larry?
Have a drink, have another! Have all you want!
We'll, we'll go, go on a grand old souse together.
You saw that automobile, didn't you?
Sure, I saw it, Harry, you had a narrow escape.
Be God, I thought you were a goner.
What the hell are you doing, Larry?
Remember what I told you about the wrong kind of pity,
now leave him alone!
You'd think I was trying to harm him, the fool way you act.
Why, there isn't anything I wouldn't do
for Harry, and he knows it.
All I wanted was to fix it so he'd finally be
at peace with himself.
And if you'll just wait until the final returns are in,
that's exactly what I've accomplished.
Come on, Governor, what's the use of being stubborn,
now when it's over and dead?
Give up that ghost automobile.
Yeah, what's the use now?
It's all a lie... no automobile.
Bejees, something ran over me.
Must have been myself, I guess.
I guess I'll sit down.
Feel all in.
Like a corpse, bejees.
Hello, Hugo, coming up for air?
You stay passed out, that's the right dope.
There ain't any cool willow trees,
except you grow your own in a bottle.
(Hugo giggling)
Hello, Harry.
Stupid proletarian monkey-face!
I will drink champagne beneath the wi-llow...
But the slaves must ice it properly!
Goddamned Hickey!
Peddler pimp for nouveau-riche capitalism!
When I lead the jackass mob to the sack of Babylon,
I will make them hang him to the first lamppost!
Good work... I'll help pull the rope.
Here... have a drink, Hugo.
Eh, no, thank you.
I'm too crazy drunk... I hear myself say crazy things.
Do not listen, please!
Larry will tell you, I've never been so crazy drunk.
I must sleep it off.
What's the matter, Harry? You look funny.
(exclamatory sighing)
You look dead!
What's happened? I don't know you!
Listen... I feel I'm dying, too.
Because I'm so crazy drunk.
It's very necessary that I sleep!
I can't sleep here with you!
You look dead!
Another one who's begun to enjoy your peace.
Oh, I know it's rough on him
right now, same as it is on Harry.
That's just the first shock.
I promise you they'll both be all right.
And you believe that?
I see you do, you mad fool.
Of course I believe it.
I know from my own experience.
And now it's my turn, I suppose?
What is it I'm to do to achieve this blessed peace of yours?
We've discussed all of that, Larry.
Just stop lying to yourself.
You think when I say I'm finished with life,
and tired of watching the stupid greed of the human circus,
and I'll welcome closing my eyes in the long sleep of death,
you think that's a coward's lie?
Well, what do you think?
I'm afraid to live, am I?
And even more afraid to die!
So I sit here with my pride drowned
on the bottom of a bottle, keeping drunk so I won't see
myself shaking in my britches with fright,
or hear myself whining and praying:
"Beloved Christ, let me live a little longer at any price.
"If it's only for a few days more, or a few hours even,
"have mercy, Almighty God, and let me still clutch greedily
"to my yellow heart, this sweet treasure,
"this jewel beyond price, this dirty, stinking bit
of withered old flesh which is my beautiful little life!"
You think you'll make me admit that to myself?
But you just did admit it, didn't you?
That's the stuff, Hickey.
Show that old yellow faker up.
He can't play dead on me like this.
Yes, you're gonna have to settle with him, Larry.
I'm leaving you entirely in his hands.
And he'll do as good a job as I could at making you
give up the old grandstand bluff.
Close that big clam of yours, Hickey.
Bejees, you're a worse gabber
than that nagging bitch, Bessie, was.
Jees, did you hear that?
What's wrong with this booze? There's no kick in it.
Jees, Larry, Hugo had it right.
He does look like he croaked.
Oh, don't be a damned fool, he's all right.
It's just the first shock.
You are all right, aren't you, Harry?
I... I want to pass out, like Hugo.
It's the peace of death you've brought him.
That's a lie!
Well, well, you did manage to get a rise out of me that time,
didn't you? That's just plain damned foolishness.
Look at me, I've been through it.
Do I look dead?
Just leave Harry alone and give him time.
It's just the first shock, he'll be all right.
He'll be a new man, like I am.
How's it coming, Governor?
Beginning to feel free, aren't you?
Relieved and not guilty any more?
Hmm, bejees! You must have been monkeying
with the booze too, you interfering bastard!
There's no life in it now.
I wanna get drunk and pass out.
I'll admit I didn't think it'd hit him so hard.
He's always been a happy-go-lucky slob,
like I was.
Well, it hit me hard, too, but only for a minute.
And then I felt as if a ton of guilt
had been lifted off my mind.
I saw what had happened was the only possible way
for the peace of all concerned.
What was it happened? Tell us that.
And don't try to get out of it,
I want a straight answer!
I think it's something you drove someone else to do.
"Someone else?"
What did your wife die of?
You've kept that a deep secret.
That's not very considerate of you, Larry.
But if you insist on knowing now,
there's no reason you shouldn't.
It was a bullet through the head that killed poor Evelyn.
Who, who the hell cares?
The hell with her and that nagging old hag, Bessie!
Christ! You had the right dope, Larry.
You drove your poor wife to suicide, I knew it.
Be God, I don't blame her! I'd almost do the same thing
myself to get rid of you.
It's what you'd like to drive us all to...
I'm sorry, Hickey, I'm sorry.
I'm a rotten louse to throw that in your face.
Oh, that's all right, Larry.
But don't jump to conclusions.
I didn't say poor Evelyn committed suicide.
That's the last thing she'd have done, while I was
still alive so she could take care of me and forgive me.
No, if you'd known her at all,
you'd never have such a crazy suspicion.
No, I'm sorry to tell you that my poor wife was killed.
She was murdered?
You're a liar, Larry!
You must be crazy to say that to me.
You know damn well she's still alive.
"Murdered?" Who done it?
Shut up, you dumb Wop! It's none of our damned business!
Leave him alone.
Still the old grandstand bluff?
Or just some more bum pity?
The police don't know who killed her yet, Rocky.
But I expect they will before very long.
How's it coming, Governor?
Getting over the first shock?
Beginning to feel free of guilt
and lying hopes, and at peace with yourself?
Somebody croaked your Evelyn, eh?
Bejees, my bets are on the iceman!
But who the hell cares?
Let's get drunk and pass out.
Bejees, what did you do to the booze, Hickey?
There's no damned life left in it.
Larry, don't look like that.
You've got to believe what I told you!
It had nothing to do with her!
It was for a few lousy dollars, honest!
(banging table) Don't be a fool! Buy me a drink!
But no more wine! It is not properly iced!
Goddamned stupid proletarian slaves!
Buy me a drink or I'll have you shot!
(crying) Please, for God's sake!
I am not drunk enough! I cannot sleep!
Life is a crazy monkey-face.
Always there's blood beneath the willow trees!
I hate it!
I'm afraid!
Oh, please, please, please!
I'm too crazy drunk! I say crazy things!
For God's sake, do not listen to me!
Do not listen to me!
(weeping) I'm afraid!
You're beginning to worry me, Governor.
Something is holding you up somewhere,
but I don't see why.
You've faced the truth about yourself.
You've done what you had to do
to kill your nagging pipe dreams.
Oh, I know it knocks you cold.
But only for a minute.
Then you'll see it was the only possible way to peace.
And you'll feel happy, like I did.
That's what worries me about you, Governor.
It's time you began to feel happy.
Come on, you damned nigger!
Beat it in the back room, it's after hours.
(Joe grumbling)
Oh, the hell with it! Let the dump get pinched.
I'm through with this lousy job, anyway.
Been scrappin', huh?
Started off on your periodical, ain't you? Yeah, ain't you glad?
That I'm out on my feet holdin' down your job?
You said if I'd take your day, you'd relieve me at 6:00.
And here it's 1/2 past 1:00 A.M.!
Well, you're takin' over now, get me?
No matter how plastered you are!
Ah, "plastered?" Hell, I wish I was!
I've lapped up a gallon, but it don't hit me right.
And the hell with the job! I'm goin' to tell Harry
I'm quittin'! Yeah? Well, I'm quittin' too.
I've played sucker for that crummy blonde long enough,
lettin' her kid me into workin'; from now on I take it easy.
I'm glad you're gettin' some sense.
Yeah, I hope you're gettin' some.
By the way, the prize sap you've been,
tendin' bar when you got two good hustlers in your stable.
Yeah, but I ain't no sap now.
I'll loin them, when they get back from Coney.
Jees, that Cora sure played you for a dope.
Feedin' you that marriage-on-a-farm hop!
Yeah, Hickey got it right, a lousy pipe dream.
It was her pullin' sherry flips on me woke me up.
All the way walkin' to the ferry,
every gin mill we come to she'd drag me in to blow her.
I got thinkin' "Christ, what won't she want when"
she gets the ring on her finger and I'm hooked?
So I tells her at the ferry: "Kiddo, you can go"
"to Jersey or to hell, but count me out!"
She says it was her told you to go to hell,
because you start hittin' the booze.
I got thinkin' too "Jees, won't I look sweet"
"with a wife that if you put all the guys she stayed with"
"side by side, they'd reach to Chicago."
That kind of dame, you can't trust 'em.
The minute your back is turned, they're
cheatin' with the iceman or someone!
Hickey done me a favor, makin' me wake up!
Only it was fun, kinda, me and Cora kiddin' ourselves.
Say, where is that son of a bitch Hickey?
I want one good sock at day guy, just one!
And the next buttin' in he'll do will be in the morgue!
I'll take a chance on goin' to the chair! Piano!
Keep away from him, Chuck.
He ain't here now, anyway; he went out to phone, he said.
I got a hunch he beat it, but if he does come back,
you don't know him if anyone asks you, get me?
The chair, maybe that's where he's goin'.
I don't know nuttin', see? But it looks
like he croaked his wife.
You mean she really was cheatin' on him?
Then I don't blame the guy! And who's blamin' him?
Is any of the gang wise? Larry is.
And the boss ought to be.
I tried to wise the rest of them up to stay clear of him,
but they're all so licked, I don't know if they got it.
Oh, I don't give a damn what he done to his wife.
But if he gets the hot seat I won't go into no mournin'.
Me, neither. Not after his throwin' it in my face I'm a pimp.
What if I am? And what's he done to Harry?
Jees, the poor old slob is so licked
he can't even get drunk! And all the gang.
I couldn't help feelin' sorry for the poor bums
when they showed up tonight, one by one,
lookin' like pooches with their tails between their legs
that everyone'd been kickin' 'till they
was too punch-drunk to feel it no more.
Jimmy Tomorrow was the last.
Schwartz, the copper, brung him in.
Seen him sittin' on the dock on West Street,
lookin' at the water and cryin'.
Schwartz thought he was drunk, and I let him think it.
But he was cold sober; he was tryin' to jump in
and didn't have the nerve, I figured it.
Jees, there ain't enough guts left
in the whole gang to battle a mosquito.
Oh, to hell with 'em! Who cares? Gimme a drink.
I see you been hittin' the redeye too.
Yeah, but it don't do no good, I can't get drunk right.
This dirty "dinge" was able to get his "snootful" and pass out.
Jees, even Hickey can't faze a nigger.
You'd think he was fazed if you'd seen him come in.
Stinko, and he pulled a gun and said
he'd plug Hickey for insultin' him.
Then he dropped it and began to cry,
and said he wasn't a gamblin' man or a tough guy no more.
He got drunk panhandlin' drinks in nigger joints, I suppose.
I guess they felt sorry for him.
He ain't got no business in the bar after hours.
Why don't you chuck him out?
Oh, to hell with it! Who cares? Yeah, I don't.
Excuse me, white boy.
I don't want to be where I'm not wanted.
(Chuck) My pig's in the back room, ain't she?
I wanna collect the dough I wouldn't take this mornin',
like a sucker, before she blows it.
(Rocky) I'm comin', too, I'm through workin'.
I ain't no lousy bartender.
I'm waitin', baby, dig! Yeah.
I been expectin' you, I got it all ready here.
Jees, imagine me kiddin' myself
I wanted to marry a drunken pimp. That's nothin', baby.
Imagine what a sap I'd have been when I
can get your dough just as easy without it.
Hello, Old Cemetery.
Hello, Tightwad, you still around?
Ask Larry.
He knows I'm here, all right, although he's pretending not to.
He'd like to forget I'm alive!
He's trying to kid himself
with that grandstand philosopher stuff.
But he knows he can't get away with that now!
He kept himself locked up in his room
until a while ago, alone with a bottle of booze.
He couldn't make it work, though,
he couldn't even get drunk! So he had to come out.
There must have been something up there
he's even more scared to face than me and Hickey.
I guess he got looking at the fire escape.
Thinking how handy it was, if he was really sick of life
and only had the nerve to die!
And he's been thinking about me too, Rocky.
He's trying to figure a way to get out of helping me.
He loved her too, so he thinks I ought
to take a hop off the fire escape.
For God's sake! Can't you say something?!
Larry!
Larry... I think what Hickey must have done
has got me so I don't know any more what I did or why.
(crying) I can't go on like this!
I've got to do what I got to do!
God damn you! Are you trying to make me your executioner?
Execution?
Then you, you think I...
I don't think anything.
I... I suppose you think I ought to die, uh?
Because I sold out a lot of loudmouth fakers?
Ha!
Don't make me laugh! I ought to get a medal!
Oh, you little sap!
You must still believe in the Movement.
Hickey's right about him, isn't he, Rocky?
An old no-good drunken tramp, as dumb as he is,
ought to take a hop off the fire escape.
Sure, why don't he? Or you, or me?
Oh, what the hell's the difference? Who cares?
What am I doin' here with "youse" two?
I remember I had somethin' on my mind to tell you, what?
Oh, I got it now.
I was thinkin' how you was both regular guys.
I thinks "Ain't two guys like them saps to be hangin'"
"around like a couple of stew bums and wastin' themselves?"
What do you think, Parritt? You ain't a bad-lookin' guy.
You could easy make some gal
who's a good hustler, and start a stable.
And I'll help you and wise you up
to the inside dope on the game.
Well, what about it?
What if they do call you a pimp?
I don't want anything to do with whores!
I wish they were all in jail or dead!
All right, stay a bum!
Well, how about you, Larry? You ain't dumb.
Sure, you're old, but that don't matter.
All the girls think you're aces.
They fall for you like you were their uncle
or old man, or somethin'.
They like takin' care of you.
And the cops around here, they like you too.
You wouldn't have to worry where the next drink's
comin' from, or wear dirty clothes.
Well... don't it look good to you?
No, it doesn't look good, Rocky.
I mean, the peace Hickey's brought you.
It isn't contented enough, if you have to
make a pimp of everyone else.
I'm a sap to waste my time on you.
A stew bum is a stew bum.
Like I was sayin' to Chuck, if anyone asks you,
you don't know nothin' about Hickey, get me?
You never even heard he had a wife.
Jees, we all ought to get drunk and stage a celebration
when that bastard goes to the chair.
Be God, I'll celebrate with you.
Drink to his long, long life in hell.
The poor devil!
No, that's pity, the wrong kind.
He'll welcome the chair.
Yes, what are you so damned scared about death for?
I don't want your lousy pity.
(Rocky) I hope he don't come back, Larry.
We don't know nothin' now.
We're only guessin', see?
But if that bastard keeps on talkin'...
He'll come back and he'll keep on talking.
He's lost his confidence that the peace he's sold us
is the real McCoy, and it's made him uneasy about his own.
He'll have to prove to us... That's a damned lie, Larry.
I haven't lost confidence.
By God, when I made up my mind to sell someone something
I thought they ought to want, I've sold 'em.
I mean, I don't think is very kind of you to make that kind
of a crack when I've been doing my best to help.
Keep away from me, will you?
I don't know nothin' about you, see?
Well, how is it coming, everybody?
I'm sorry I had to leave you for a little while,
but there was something I had to get finally settled.
It's all fixed now.
When are you going to do somethin'
about this booze, Hickey? We can't pass out,
and you promised us peace!
Yes, yes! I wonder why that is.
For God's sake, Harry! You're still
harping on that same damn nonsense?
You've kept it up all afternoon and night,
and you got everybody else singing the same crazy tune!
I've had about all I can stand, that's why I phoned.
Excuse me, boys and girls, I-I don't mean that.
It's just that I worry about you
when you play dead on me like this.
I was hoping by the time I got back
you'd be like you ought to be.
I thought you were deliberately holding back on me before
when I was here, because you didn't want to give me
the satisfaction of showing me that I had the right dope!
And I did have, I know from my own experience.
But I've explained that a million times.
Now you've all done what you needed to do.
By rights you should be contented with yourself, and
free from the lying hopes and nagging dreams that torment you.
But here you are, sitting around like
a lot of stiffs cheating the undertaker!
I can't figure it...
unless it's just your damned stubborn pigheadedness.
Oh, hell... don't act like this with me, gang!
You're my old pals, the only friends I've got!
You know, the one thing that I want
is to see you happy before I go.
And there's damned little time left now.
I've made a date for 2:00 o'clock.
So, we've got to get busy right away and find out what's wrong!
Can't you appreciate what you've got, for God's sake?
Don't you see you're free to be yourselves now,
without feeling remorse or guilt,
or having to lie to yourselves about reforming tomorrow?
Don't you see? There is no tomorrow now!
You're rid of it forever, you've killed it!
You don't have to care a damn about anything any more!
You've finally got the game of life licked, don't you see that?
Then why the hell don't you get drunk and sing "Sweet Adeline"?
Why don't you laugh and celebrate, and get pie-eyed?
The only reason I can think of is you're putting on
this rotten half-dead act just to get back at me,
because you hate my guts.
God, don't do that, gang!
It makes me feel like hell to think that you hate me.
Makes me feel that you suspected that I hated you.
But that is a lie!
Oh, I know I used to hate everybody in the world
that wasn't as rotten a bastard as I was,
but that's when I was still living in hell!
Before I faced the truth.
And saw the one possible way to free poor Evelyn,
and give her the peace that she'd always dreamed about.
Oh, put a bag over it! To hell with Evelyn.
What if she was cheatin'?
And who cares what you did to her? That's your funeral.
We don't give a damn, see?
All we want outta you is keep
the hell away from us and give us a rest!
The one possible way to make up to her
for all that I made her go through,
and get her rid of me so that I
couldn't make her suffer any more,
and she wouldn't have to forgive me again.
I saw I couldn't do it by killing myself,
like I wanted to for a long time.
That would have been the last straw for her.
She'd have died of a broken heart
to think that I could do that to her.
She'd have blamed herself, too.
Or I just couldn't run away from her.
She'd have died of grief and humiliation
if I'd done that to her.
She'd have thought I stopped loving her.
You see... Evelyn loved me, and I loved her.
That was the trouble.
Oh, it would have been easy to find a way out
if she hadn't loved me so much.
Or if I hadn't loved her.
But as it was, there was only one possible way.
I had to kill her.
Mad fool! Can't you keep your mouth shut?
We may hate you for what you've done this time,
but we remember the old times, when you brought laughter
and kindness here instead of death!
We don't want to know things
that will make us help send you to the chair!
Oh, shut up!
You yellow faker! Can't you face anything?
Wouldn't I deserve the chair too if I...
It's, it's worse if you kill someone
and they have to go on living.
I'd be glad of the chair.
It'd wipe it out and square me with myself.
I wish you'd get rid of that bastard, Larry.
I can't have him pretending there's something
in common between him and me.
It's what's in your heart that counts.
And there was love in my heart, not hate.
You're a liar!
I don't hate her! I couldn't!
And anyway, it had nothing to do with her!
You ask Larry!
God damn you, stop shoving your rotten soul in my lap!
Don't worry about the chair, Larry.
I know you're still terrified by death.
But when you've made peace with yourself, like I have,
you won't give a damn.
Listen, everybody.
I've made up my mind, the only way I can clear this up for you,
so you'll realize how contented and carefree you ought to feel,
now that I've made you get rid of your pipe dreams,
is to show you what a pipe dream did to me and Evelyn.
And I'm certain, if I tell you about it from the beginning,
you'll appreciate what I've done for you and why I did it.
And how damned grateful you ought to be,
instead of hating me.
You see, even as kids, Evelyn and me...
(banging glass on table) All we want is to pass out and get drunk,
and a little peace!
(approving whispering and glasses banging tables)
All right, if that's the way you feel!
I don't want to cram it down your throats!
I don't need to tell anyone, I don't feel guilty.
I'm only worried about you.
What did you do to this booze?
That's what we'd like to hear.
Ain't that right, Jimmy?
Yes, quite right.
It was all a stupid lie, my nonsense about tomorrow.
Naturally they would never give me my position back,
that I would never dream of asking them.
I didn't resign, I was fired for drunkenness.
And it was absurd of me to excuse my drunkenness
by pretending it was my wife's adultery that ruined my life.
As Hickey guessed, I was a drunkard before that.
I discovered early in life that living
frightened me when I was sober.
I've even forgotten why I married Marjorie.
I had some idea of wanting a home, perhaps.
But, of course, I, I much preferred the nearest pub.
Why Marjorie married me, God knows.
She soon found that I much preferred drinking all night
with my pals to being at home in bed with her.
So naturally... she was unfaithful.
And I was glad to be free.
Even... grateful to her, I think,
for giving me such a... a good tragic excuse.
In the back room if you wanna drink.
A guy named Hickman in the back room?
Think I know the names... Listen, you! This is murder.
It was Hickman himself who phoned in and said
we'd find him here around 2:00.
So that's who he phoned to.
Yeah, he's in there, and if you want
a confession all you got to do is listen.
You can't stop the bastard talkin'.
I've got to tell you, your being this way
now gets my goat, and it's all wrong!
It puts things in my mind.
It makes me think that if I got balled up about you,
then how do I know I wasn't balled up about myself?
And that is just plain damned foolishness.
But when you know the story of me and Evelyn, you'll see
it was the only possible way out, for her sake.
Only I've got to start way back at the beginning,
otherwise you won't understand.
You see, even as a kid I was always restless.
I had to keep on the go.
You've heard the old saying that "Ministers' sons"
"are sons of guns?" Well, that was me and then some.
Home was like a jail.
Listening to my old man whooping up hell fire and scaring
those Hoosier suckers into shelling out their dough
only handed me a laugh! Although I gotta to hand it to him,
the way he sold them nothing for something.
I guess I take after him, and that's what made me
a good salesman; well, like I said,
home was like jail, and so was school,
and so was that damned hick town.
The only places I liked were the pool halls,
where I could smoke Sweet Caporals
and mop up a couple of beers, eh?
Thinking I was a hell-on-wheels sport.
We had one hooker shop in town.
Of course I liked that, too.
Not that I hardly ever had the entrance money.
My old man was a tight old bastard.
But I liked to sit around in the parlor and joke with the girls.
And they liked me too, because I kid 'em along
and make 'em laugh.
And you know how a small town is.
Everybody got wise to me.
They said I was a no-good tramp,
but I didn't give a damn what they said.
I hated everybody in the place.
That is, except Evelyn.
And I loved Evelyn, even as a kid.
And Evelyn loved me.
Larry, I loved mother! No matter what she did!
I still do! Yes, sir, as far back as I can remember,
Evelyn and I loved each other.
She always stood out for me.
She wouldn't believe the gossip, or she pretended she wouldn't.
No one could convince her that I was no good.
Evelyn was stubborn as hell once she made up her mind.
You know, even when I'd admit things and ask her forgiveness,
she'd make excuses for me and defend me against myself.
And she'd kiss me, she'd say that she knew
that I wouldn't do it again and I said that I wouldn't.
And I'd promise, I'd have to promise.
She was so damn sweet and good.
Yet I knew darned well...
No, sir, you couldn't stop Evelyn!
Nothing on Earth could shake her faith in me!
Even I couldn't!
She was a sucker for a pipe dream.
Well, naturally, her family forbid her seeing me.
(laughing)
They were one of the town's best, rich for that hick burg.
They owned the trolley line and the lumber company.
Strict Methodists, too; oh, did they hate my guts!
Even they couldn't stop Evelyn.
And she'd sneak notes to me and we'd meet me on the side.
But I was getting more restless.
The town was getting more like a jail.
I made up my mind to beat it.
I knew exactly what I wanted to be by that time.
I met a lot of drummers around the hotel, and I liked 'em.
They were always telling jokes, eh?
They were sports, always on the move, I liked their life.
And I knew I could kid people and sell things.
The hitch was, how to get the railroad fare to the Big Town?
Hell, I... I told Mollie Arlington my trouble.
She was the Madame of the cathouse.
She liked me.
She laughed and she said: "Hell, I'll stake you, kid.
"I'll bet on you, with that grin of yours and that line of bull
you ought to be able to sell skunks for good ratters."
Yeah, Mollie was all right.
She made me feel confident in myself.
Well, I paid her back too, first money I earned.
I remember sending her a kidding letter saying
that I was peddling baby carriages, and she
and the girls had better get in on our bargain offer!
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
That's getting ahead of my story.
That last night before I left town...
I had a date with Evelyn.
I got all worked up.
She was so pretty and sweet and good.
I told her straight.
I said: "You better forget me, Evelyn, for your own sake."
"I'm no good and I never will be."
And I broke down and cried.
And she just said, looking white and scared:
"Why, Teddy, don't you still love me?"
And I said: "Love you?
"God, Evelyn, I love you more than anything in the world.
And I always will."
And she said: "Nothing matters, Teddy."
"Because nothing but death could stop my loving you.
"So when you're ready you send for me, and we'll be married.
"And I know I can make you happy, Teddy.
"And when you're happy, you won't want to do
any of those bad things you've done any more."
And I said: "Of course I won't, Evelyn."
And I meant it, I believed it.
I loved her so much she could make me believe anything.
(Harry) You married her, you caught her cheating with the iceman,
and you croaked her, and all we want
is to pass out in peace, bejees!
(everyone whispering) So I beat it to the Big Town!
I got a job easy, it was a cinch for me
to make good, I had the knack.
It was like a game, sizing people up quick,
spotting what their pet pipe dreams were,
and then kidding 'em along that line.
Pretending you believed what they wanted
to believe about themselves.
Then they liked you, they trusted you.
They want to buy something to show their gratitude.
It was fun!
But still, all the while I felt guilty, as though
I shouldn't be having such a good time away from Evelyn.
In each of my letters I'd tell her how I missed her,
but I'd warn her, too; I'd tell her about my faults.
How I liked my booze every now and then, and so on.
But you couldn't shake Evelyn's belief in me,
or her dreams about the future.
And then after each one of her letters,
I'd be as full of faith as she was.
So when I got enough saved to start us off,
I sent for her and we got married.
Christ, wasn't I happy for a while!
And wasn't she happy.
I don't care what anybody says, I'll bet there were never
two people who loved each other more than me and Evelyn.
Not only then, but ever afterwards.
In spite of everything I did.
Well, it's all there at the start,
everything that happened afterwards.
Though I never could learn to handle temptation.
I'd want to reform and mean it.
Then I'd promise her, and I'd promise myself,
and I'd believe it.
I'd even tell her: "It's the last time, Evelyn."
And she'd say: "I know it's the last time, Teddy."
"You'll never do it again."
And that's what made it so hard!
That's what made me feel such a rotten skunk!
Her always forgiving me.
My playing around with women, for instance.
It was just a harmless good time to me.
It didn't mean anything,
but I'd know what it meant to her!
So I'd swear to myself "Never again."
But you know how it is, traveling around,
those damned hotel rooms.
You get to seeing things in the wall paper.
I'd get so damn bored, so lonely and homesick.
But at the same time, sick of home.
I'd feel free, I'd want to celebrate a little.
Well, I never drank on the job so it had to be dames, any tart.
What I'd want was some tramp that I
could be myself with, without being ashamed.
Someone I could tell a dirty joke to and she'd laugh!
(girly giggling)
Jees... all the lousy jokes
I've had to listen to and pretend was funny.
Sometimes I'd try a joke that I thought
was a real corker on Evelyn!
And she'd always make herself laugh.
But I could tell she thought it was dirty and not funny.
And she always knew about the tarts that I'd been with
when I came home from a trip.
She'd kiss me and look in my eyes, and she'd know.
And I could see in her eyes her not wanting to know.
And telling herself: "Even if it is true, he can't help it."
"They tempt him, he's lonely, he hasn't got me.
"It's only his body, he doesn't love them.
"I'm the only one he loves," and she was right, too!
I never loved anyone else! Couldn't if I wanted to.
She forgave me even when it all had to come out in the open.
You know how it is when you keep taking chances.
You may be lucky for a long time,
but you'll get nicked in the end.
I picked up a nail from some tart in Altoona.
Yeah, and she picked it up from some guy.
It's all in the game.
I had to do a lot of lying and stalling when I got home,
but it didn't do any good.
The quack I went to got all my dough,
and he told me I was cured, and I believed him.
But I wasn't... and poor Evelyn.
But she did her best to make me believe that she fell for my lie
about how... traveling men get things from drinking cups
on... on trains.
Anyway, she forgave me.
The same way she forgave me every time I'd show up
after a periodical drunk!
And you all knew what I'd look like
after one of those, you saw me!
Like something lying in the gutter
that no alley cat would lower himself to drag in!
Something they threw out of the D.T. ward at Bellevue!
Along with the garbage, something that should be dead!
But isn't.
Evelyn wouldn't have heard from me in a month or more.
She'd been waiting there alone.
The neighbors feeling sorry for her out loud
and shaking their heads.
That was until she got me to move to the outskirts,
where there weren't any next-door neighbors.
Then the door would open... and I'd stumble...
looking like what I've just said.
Into her home, that she always kept so... spotless and clean.
And I'd sworn it would never happen again!
And now I'd have to start swearing again
that this was the last time!
I could see disgust having a battle in her eyes
with love, but love always won!
She'd make her-self... kiss me!
As though nothing had happened.
As though I'd just come home from a business trip.
She'd never complain or bawl me out.
Christ, can you imagine what a guilty skunk she made me feel!
If only once she admitted that her pipe dream about tomorrow,
and my behaving myself would never be any good!
But she wouldn't!
She was stubborn as hell!
Once she'd set her mind on anything, you couldn't shake
her faith that it had to come true tomorrow!
It was the same old story, over and over, for years and years.
And it kept piling up, inside her and inside me.
God, can you picture what I made her suffer?
And all the guilt that she made me feel?
And how I hated myself?
If she only hadn't been so damned good!
If she'd been the same kind of wife that I was a husband.
God, sometimes I used to pray that she'd...
I'd even say to her: "Go on, why don't you, Evelyn?"
"Serve me right, I wouldn't mind, I'd forgive you."
Of course I'd pretend I was kidding.
The same way I used to joke here
about her being in the hay with the iceman.
She'd have felt so hurt if I'd said it seriously.
She'd have thought I'd stopped loving her.
I suppose you think I'm a liar, that no woman could have stood
all she stood and still loved me so much.
That it isn't human for a woman to be so pitying and forgiving!
Well, I am not lying!
And if you'd ever seen her, you'd realize that I wasn't.
It was written all over her face:
Sweetness, love, pity, forgiveness.
Although, wait, I'll... show you.
I always carry her picture.
No, I'm forgetting... I tore it up afterwards.
I didn't need it any more.
Jees, Hickey! Jees!
I burnt up mother's picture, Larry.
Her eyes kept following me around all the time.
They seemed to be wishing I was dead!
It kept piling up, like I've said.
I got so I thought about it all the time.
And I hated myself more and more,
thinking of all the wrong I'd done to the sweetest woman
in the world that loved me so much!
It even got so I'd curse myself for a lousy bastard
every time I saw myself in the mirror!
I felt such pity for her it drove me crazy!
You'd never believe it, would you, Larry?
A guy like me that's knocked around so much
could feel such pity!
It got so every night I'd...
wind up hiding my face in her lap,
bawling and begging for forgiveness.
Of course she'd always comfort me and say:
"Never mind, Teddy, I know you won't ever again."
Christ, I loved her so.
But I began to hate that pipe dream!
I began to think I was going bughouse!
Because sometimes I couldn't forgive her for forgiving me!
I even caught myself hating her
for making me hate myself so much!
You know, there's a limit to the guilt you can feel
and the forgiveness and pity you can take!
You have to begin blaming somebody else, too!
It got so...
sometimes, when she'd kiss me,
it was like she was doing it on purpose...
to humiliate me...
as if she'd spit in my face!
But I saw how crazy and rotten that was of me!
And I just hated myself more and more!
You'd never believe that I could hate so much!
Ah, Larry? A good-natured, happy-go-lucky... slob like me.
As the time got nearer to when I was due to come here
for my drunk around Harry's birthday, I got nearly crazy.
I kept swearing to her every night that this time
I really wouldn't, until I'd made it
a real final test to myself and to her!
And she kept encouraging me and saying:
"I can see you really mean it now, Teddy."
"I know you'll conquer it this time, and we'll be so happy."
And when she'd say that, and kiss me...
I'd believe it, too.
Then she'd go to bed,
and I'd stay up because I couldn't sleep.
And I didn't want to disturb her,
rolling and twisting around; I'd get so damned lonely!
I'd get to thinking how peaceful it was here.
Sitting around with the old gang, getting drunk
and forgetting about love; laughing and singing
and joking, and swapping lies.
And finally I knew I had to come.
And I knew if I came this time, it would be the finish!
Because I'd never have the guts to go back
and be forgiven again! And that would break Evelyn's heart.
Because to her that would mean...
I didn't love her any more.
That last night I'd driven myself crazy
trying to figure a way out for her.
I went into the bedroom.
I was going to tell her it was the end.
But I couldn't do that to her.
She was sound asleep.
And I thought "God, if only she'd"
"never wake up, she'd never know."
And then it came to me.
The one possible way out, for her sake.
I remembered I'd given her a gun for protection
while I was away... it was in the bureau drawer.
She'd never feel any pain, she'd never wake up from her dream.
So I...
so I killed her.
I may as well confess, Larry.
There's no use lying any more; you know, anyway.
I didn't give a damn about the money,
it was because I hated her.
And then I saw that I'd always known
that was the only possible way
to give her peace, and free her
from the misery of loving me.
And I saw it meant peace for me, too, knowing she was at peace.
I felt as though a ton of guilt was lifted off my mind.
I remember I stood by the bed and suddenly I had to laugh.
I couldn't help it, and I knew Evelyn would forgive me!
I remember I heard myself speaking to her,
as though it was something that I'd always wanted to say:
"Well, you know what you can do with your pipe dream now,"
"you damned bitch!"
No! I never... Yes, yes, that's it!
Her and that damned Movement pipe dream! Eh, Larry? No, that's a lie!
Good God, I could have never said that!
If I had, I'd have gone insane!
Why, I loved Evelyn better than anything in life!
Boys, you're all my old pals!
You've known old Hickey for years!
You know that I could never...
Harry! Harry, you've known me longer than anybody else!
You know that I must have been insane! Don't you, Governor?
Who the hell cares?
(excited tone) "Insane?"
You mean you went really insane? Yes!
Or I couldn't have laughed! I couldn't have said that to her!
That's enough, Hickman!
You know who we are, you're under arrest.
Come along and spill your guts where... Don't touch me!
You owe me a break! I phoned and made it
easy for you, didn't I? Just a few minutes!
Harry, you know I couldn't say that to Evelyn, don't you?
Unless... And you've been crazy ever since?
Everything you've said and done here... Now, Governor!
Up to your old tricks, eh?
I see what you're driving at, but I ca...
Yes, of course, Harry!
Ahh! I've been out of my mind ever since,
ever since I've been here!
You saw I was insane, didn't you?
(Moran) Can it! I've had enough of your act.
Save it for the jury.
Now listen, you guys, don't fall for his lies.
He's starting to get foxy now and thinks he'll plead insanity.
But he can't get away with that.
Bejees, you dumb dick!
You've got a crust trying to tell us about Hickey.
We've known him for years, and every one of us noticed
he was nutty the minute he showed up here.
If you'd seen the damned-fool things he made us do!
We only did them because we...
because we, we hoped he'd come out of it,
if we kidded him along and humored him.
Ain't that right, fellas?
That's right!
A fine bunch of rats!
Covering up for a dirty, cold-blooded murderer!
Is that so?
Bejees, you know the old story.
When Saint Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland,
they swam to New York and joined the police force!
Ha, ha!
(snickering laughter)
You stand up for your rights, bejees, Hickey.
I've still got friends at the Hall.
I'll have this guy back in uniform
pounding a beat, where the only graft
he'll get will be stealing tin cans from the goats.
(everybody laughing)
Listen, you cockeyed old bum! For a plugged nickel I'd...
Come on, you. Oh, I want to go, officer.
I can hardly wait now.
I should have phoned you from the house right afterwards.
It was a waste of time coming here!
I've got to explain to Evelyn, but I know she's forgiven me.
She knows I was insane.
You've got me all wrong, officer.
I want to go to the chair.
Crap!
God, you're a dumb dick!
Do you suppose I give a damn about life now?
Why, you bone head.
I haven't got a single damned lying hope or pipe dream left.
Don't worry, Hickey! They can't give you the chair!
We'll testify you was crazy! Won't we, fellas?
Yeah, sure. Sure!
You'll be all right, Hickey.
He's gone... poor crazy son of a bitch.
Bejees, I need a drink.
Maybe it'll have the old kick now he's gone.
Yeah, boss, maybe we can get drunk now.
May the chair bring him peace at last,
the poor tortured bastard!
Yes, but he isn't the only one who needs peace, Larry.
I can't feel sorry for him.
He's lucky.
He's through now, it's all decided for him.
I wish it was decided for me.
I've never been any good at deciding things.
Even about selling out, it was that tart that
the detective agency got after me that put it in my mind.
You remember what Mother's like, Larry.
She always decided what I must do.
She made all the decisions for me.
She doesn't like anyone but herself to be free.
I suppose you think I ought to make
those dicks take me away with Hickey.
How could I prove it, Larry?
They'd think I was nutty 'cause she's still alive!
You're the only one who can understand how guilty I am.
Because you know her, you know what I've done to her.
You're the only one who can understand
that I'm much guiltier than he is.
That what I did is a much worse than murder
because she is dead, and yet she has to live!
For a little while... but she can't live long in jail.
She loves her freedom too much.
I can't kid myself like Hickey...
that she's at peace.
As long as she lives, she'll never be able
to forget what I've done to her, not even in her sleep.
She'll never have a second's peace.
Jesus, Larry, say something!
I'm not bluffing either that I was crazy...
afterwards when I laughed and thought to myself.
"You know what you can do with your freedom pipe dream now,
"don't you, you damned old bitch." Go!
Get the hell out of life, God damn you!
Before I choke it out of you!
Go up... go up!
(sighing) Thanks, Larry!
I can see now that's the only
possible way I can ever get free from her.
I guess I've known that all my life.
(laughing nervously)
Oh!
It ought to give mother a little comfort, too.
She'll finally be able to play the incorruptible.
Mother of the Revolution, whose only child is a proletariat.
She'll be able to say: "Justice is done!
"So may all traitors die!" She'll be able to say...
"I'm glad he's dead!"
"Long live the Revolution!"
You know her, Larry, she's always a ham!
Go, for the love of Christ! You mad tortured bastard,
for your own sake!
Thanks, Larry, that's kind.
I knew you were the only one who could understand my side of it.
(giggling)
Hello, little Don, little monkey-face!
Don't be a fool, buy me a drink.
Sure I will, Hugo.
Tomorrow, beneath the willow trees.
Stupid fool! Hickey make you crazy, too.
I'm glad, Larry, they take that crazy Hickey away to asylum.
He makes me have bad dreams.
He makes me tell lies about myself.
He makes me want to spit on all I've ever dreamed.
Yes, I'm glad they take him to asylum!
(sighing)
I don't feel I'm dying now.
He was selling death to me, that crazy salesman.
I think I have a drink now, Larry.
Bejees, fellas, I'm feeling the old kick or I'm a liar!
It's putting life back in me.
It was Hickey that kept it from...
Bejees, I know that sounds crazy but he was crazy,
and he got all of us as bughouse as he was.
It's dangerous, too.
Look at me, pretend to start for a walk
just to keep him quiet.
I knew damned well it wasn't the right day for it.
The sun was broiling
and the streets full of automobiles.
Why, I could feel myself getting sunstroke.
An automobile damn near ran over me.
Didn't it, Rocky? He was watchin',
ask Rocky, didn't it? The automobile, boss?
Sure, I seen it, just missed you!
I thought you was a goner!
On the word of an honest bartender!
You're a bartender, all right.
And no one can say different.
But bejees, don't, don't pull that honest junk.
You and Chuck ought to have cards in the Burglars' Union!
(everybody laughing)
Bejees, it's good to hear someone laugh again.
All the time that bastar... Eh... poor old Hickey was here,
I didn't have the heart...
Bejees, I'm getting drunk and glad of it!
Come on, fellas, it's on the house!
(man giggling)
Ah... that poor old Hickey.
We mustn't hold him responsible for anything he's done.
We'll remember him the way we've always known him before:
The kindest, biggest-hearted guy that ever wore shoe leather. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the best. Fine chap, fine chap!
Good luck to him in Matteawan!
Come on, bottoms up!
Christ! Why don't he?
"Why don't he" what?
Ah, don't be a fool, Hickey's gone!
He was crazy! Here, have a drink.
What's the matter with you, Larry?
You look funny.
What do you listen for out in backyard?
Well, I thank God now that me and Chuck did
all we could to humor the poor nut.
Imagine us goin' off like we really meant to get married,
when we ain't even picked out the farm yet!
(men giggling)
(laughing) Sure thing, baby! We kidded him we was serious.
I may as well say, though, I detected
his condition almost at once! Yeah.
All that talk of his about tomorrow, for example.
He had the fixed idea of the insane!
It only makes them worse to cross them!
Same with me, Jimmy, only I spent the day at the park.
I wasn't such a damned fool as to...
(laughing)
Pic-picture my predicament if I had gone to the consulate.
The pal of mine there is a bit of a humorous blighter.
He'd have gotten me a job out of pure spite.
So I strolled about, and finally came to roost in the park.
And lo and behold, who should be on
the neighboring bench but my battlefield companion,
the Boer that walks like a man!
(cheers and someone clapping)
Who, if the British Government had taken my advice,
would have been removed from his fetid corral on the "veldt"
straight to the baboon's cage in the London Zoo!
And little children would now be asking their nurses:
"Tell me, nana, is that the Boer General?"
"The one with the blue behind?"
(uproarious laughing)
No offense meant, Piet, old chap.
No offense taken, you... damned Limey!
(glasses clinking)
(laughing)
About the job, I felt the same as you, Cecil.
(Wetjoen spits and laughing continues)
What's the matter, Larry?
You look scared!
What you listen for out there?
No, sir.
I wasn't fool enough to get in no crap game,
not while Hickey's around.
The crazy people put a jinx on you!
It was of no good trying to explain to a crazy guy,
but it ain't the right time!
Hey! You know how getting reinstated is.
Bejees, I'm cockeyed!
Bejees, you're all cockeyed!
And bejees, we're all all right!
Let's have another.
What's the matter, Larry?
Why you keep eyes shut?
Huff! You look dead!
What you listen for in backyard?
You crazy fool! You give me bad dreams, too!
Hello there, Hugo!
(rattling and laughing)
Welcome to the party!
Yes, bejees, Hugo! Sit down, have a drink!
Have ten drinks, bejees!
(uncontrollable giggling)
Hello, little Harry!
Hello, nice funny little monkey faces!
Goddamned stupid bourgeois!
(loud cheering)
Soon comes the Day of Judgment!
(laughing and cheering)
Give me ten drinks, Harry.
Don't be a fool!
Gangway for two good whores!
(everybody cheers)
Yeah! And we want a drink, quick!
Yeah, yeah! Shake the lead outta your pants, pimp!
A little service, eh? Well, look who's here!
Hello there, sweethearts.
Jees, I was beginnin' to worry about you, honest!
Yeah? What kind of gag is this?
Come on and join the party, you broads!
Bejees, I'm glad to see you!
Hey, what? Come on! What's come off here?
Where's that louse, Hickey?
(laughing) Oh, the cops got him.
He's gone crazy and croaked his wife.
Oh, Jees!
So forget about that whore stuff.
I'll knock the block off if anyone calls you whores.
You're tarts, and what the hell of it?
You're as good as anyone.
Eeeh! So forget it, see?
That's our little bartender! Ain't he, Pearl?
Yeah, and a cute little Ginny at that!
And is he stinko!
Stinko is right, but he ain't got nothin' on us!
Jees, Rocky, did we have a big time at Coney!
Bejees, sit down, you dumb whores!
Welcome home, have a drink.
Have ten drinks, bejees!
Bejees, this is all right!
We'll make this my birthday party, and forget the other.
But who's missing? Where's the Old Wise Guy?
Where's Larry?
(Rocky) Oh, over by the window, boss.
Ah? He's got his eyes shut!
The old bastard's asleep! Oh, to hell with him!
Let's have a drink.
(glasses clinking)
(unintelligible conversations)
It's the only way out for him.
For the peace of all concerned, as Hickey said.
God damn his yellow soul!
If he doesn't soon, I'll go up and throw him off...
like a dog with its guts ripped out
that you'd put out of its misery!
(everybody laughing and talking merrily)
(loud thudding noise)
(screaming and exclamations)
What the hell was that? What the hell was that?
Something fell off the fire escape.
A mattress, I'll bet!
Some of these bums have been sleepin' on the fire escape!
There ain't no... They've got to cut it out!
Bejees, this, this, this ain't no... fresh-air cure.
Mattresses cost money.
Poor devil!
God rest his soul in peace.
(laughing and giggling)
I'll never be a success in the grandstand or anywhere else.
Life is too much for me.
I'll be a weak fool, looking with pity
at the two sides of everything 'till the day I die,
and may that day come soon!
I'm the only real convert to death that Hickey made here.
From the bottom of my coward's heart, I mean that now.
Hey there, Larry! Come on over and get paralyzed!
What the hell you doing, sitting there?
Bejees, let's sing, let's celebrate!
Bejees, it's my birthday party!
Bejees, I'm oreyeyed! I want to sing!
* Every Sunday down to her home we go *
* All the boys and all the girls they love her so *
(everybody joins in) * Always jolly heart that is true I know *
* She is the Sunshine of Paradise Alley *
* By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes *
* Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond *
* Where me and my true love will never meet again *
* On the bonny, bonny banks of Loch Lomond *
* I will take the high road and I'll take the low road *
* And I'll be in Scotland before ye *
* But me and my true love will never meet again *
(Hugo growling loudly) * On the bonny bonny banks of Loch Lomond *
* "Dansons la Carmagnole! Vive le son des canons! *
* "Dansons la Carmagnole! Vive le son des canons!" *
"The days grow hot, O Babylon!"
(cheering and chanting) "'Tis cool beneath thy willow trees!"
(laughing and giggling)
(old timey piano music)
*